He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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