Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
