you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
