DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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