WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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