A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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