we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
