I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
