sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
