yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
did i just pee glitter
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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