Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
