Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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