just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
