My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
