Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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