I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
