Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
