I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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