Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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