ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
