I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
