somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
