i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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