butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
