just come out here and I will go home with you...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
