Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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