Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
