Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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