The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
