I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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