those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
