i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
