When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
