I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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