Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he was CRYING into my vagina
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
