I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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