Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
