if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
