oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
