I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
