tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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