I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
