i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
