So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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