Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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