i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
