so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
