just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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