Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
