I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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