I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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