i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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