Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
