Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize