I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
