my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize