I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
