Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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