I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
