She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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