Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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