Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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