where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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