I wanna bring you to show and tell
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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