i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
