is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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