I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
