After last night, I could never be a politician.
what day is it and did you see me today?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
