I could make wine with my vomit
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize