I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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