I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
