I wish I could punch you in the face.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
