If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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