Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize